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Story for Sue, queen bee of Pathfinder. Thanks for everything.

Thanks a million to elem for the beta and for helping me with the tricky cricket stuff.

 

 

“I’m bored, where are the bad guys when you need them.”

 

Megan Delaney looked up at her twin, momentarily distracted from filing her nails. “You are joking right? The last time the bad guys were around, I had to put on an anti-grav suit and walk around the hull patching up the holes, because cartography is not considered an essential component. And did anyone care to listen when I told them that I get space sick? Do you know how disgusting that could have been - in one of those suits? And then let’s not get me started on Dr. bedside manner. A Denobluian sea slug has a more pleasing personality than he has.”

 

“I wasn’t aware that sea slugs had personalities.”

 

“Well, if they did, they would be more pleasing than his. When I begged him to get a dispensation from the space walk, he just shot me with a hypo spray of nausea medicine, which didn’t make me feel better, just sleepy. It was one of the strangest experiences of my life being up there, feeling dizzy and floaty at the same time.”

 

“Well, you were floaty, that’s for sure. It’s a good thing that Culhane noticed that your boots were demagnetized or you would have been a goner.” Jenny snickered.

 

“And you what were you doing, laying on that biobed fluttering your eyes at every male that came through the doors. Just because you had a ruptured spleen doesn’t mean that you should have gotten to lie around, while I had to do all the hard work.”

 

“You’re just jealous of who was lying in the biobed next to me.”

 

Megan giggled “Of course, and he had no clothes on. I really wanted to take a peek under there, see if he has a matching tattoo somewhere lower.”

 

“And you’re surprised you got assigned to patching the hull? You should have seen the looks that the Captain was shooting you. If you’d laid a single finger on him, you would’ve been polishing the hull until we got back to earth.”

 

Megan pouted “It’s not fair you know. She has that gorgeous male specimen hanging onto her, and she does nothing with him. Just think Jenny, the fun we could have with him. Think he’s man enough for both of us?”

 

“Hush!” Jenny looked around the messhall. “If this conversation gets back to her we’ll be so dead.”

 

It was late, almost 0100 hours and the room was virtually deserted except for Celes and Telfer who were talking intently about something, and Tom Paris who was resting on the couch, his head back and his eyes closed.

 

“It’s a pity you know.”

 

“What?”

 

“That these uniforms are those ugly jump suits. You really can’t tell what he looks under there. Why can’t we all have been assigned those suits like Seven, and those heels that she wears, it’s just some sick fantasy of our resident EMH. Just think Jenny, if we all got to wear those things.”

 

“You’re obsessed and we wouldn’t get any work done; besides I think they would be horribly uncomfortable. How does she pee with that thing on? Do Borg need to use the bathroom you think? They’re so efficient in everything, maybe they eliminated that aspect from their physiology as well.” Jenny mused.

 

Megan snickered at the thought of Seven struggling out of her tight suit in her haste to go.

 

Jenny perked up. “I have an idea.”

 

“Oh no, Jenny, forget what I said. I really am afraid of your ideas.”

 

“No. Wait, listen; you’ll like this one.”

 

“It doesn’t involve sneaking into his quarters does it? Because I still haven’t gotten over the time you got me to sneak into the locker room for the parisees squares team.”

 

“Hey, how was I supposed to know that the Get Fit Get Healthy Team was going to be using it that day?”

 

“My brain burned for weeks Jenny, it was horrible I say, horrible.” She shook her head mournfully.

 

“So listen to this plan. I think we need to have a competition”

 

“You mean play some game, how is that going to help me? We do that all the time.”

 

“We could make it interesting, how about a game like strip poker, or mud wrestling?”

 

Megan perked up. “Now you are talking, but he’d never agree, and the captain would have our heads for suggesting it.”

 

“Not if we make it a Voyager wide event. We could have everyone drop into a hat a suggestion about what game they would like to play, and then we could have teams. We could call it a morale booster and we have the perfect organizer right there.” Jenny pointed at the dozing Tom.

 

“But, I don’t see how we could make it work, there are one hundred and forty-eight other crew and just the two of us, with my luck we would end up playing kadis kot for hours, or worse,” Megan shuddered delicately, “we could be forced to play kal toh.”

 

“But Megan you haven’t listened to the rest of my plan.” She leaned closer to her sister and dropping her voice, she outlined the rest of the idea.

 

They were so intent on their conversation that neither of them noticed that Tom had slid closer to the edge of the couch and was almost directly behind where they were sitting. And certainly neither of them noticed the slight smile that tugged at the corner of his mouth.

 

 

                                                            =/=

 

 

“Commander would you do the honors?” Jenny batted her eyelids and handed a very large and ancient-looking hat to Chakotay. He grinned at her, earning him a sigh from Megan, Jenny and Susan, and poke in the ribs from the captain, who was hovering behind him.

 

It was several days later and the crew had gathered in the mess hall where they were waiting for Chakotay to pick the newest winner in the long-line of Annual Voyager something-or-others.

 

“Where did you get that moth eaten looking thing?” Nicoletti whispered as Chakotay took the hat and stirred around the tiny slips of paper that were inside. “And wouldn’t it be easier to have everyone enter their selection on a PADD and then have the event picked at random.”

 

“The hat’s from some Victorian Holodeck program, don’t know which of the crew would be into that hokey nonsense, so I swiped it.” Megan hissed. “Now shush, I don’t want to miss the big moment when he announces the first annual voyager strip poker tournament.”

 

“And the winner is…” Chakotay reached in and pulled out a slip of paper.

 

“Poker, poker, poker.” This from Megan, who had her eyes tightly shut and her fingers crossed.

 

“Cricket…”

 

“Cricket, what? Where? Ugh, I hate insects.” Jenny squeaked.

 

“There are no crickets on Voyager, I think he is telling us to be quiet.” Susan rolled her eyes.

 

Megan pried her eyes open, “That doesn’t make any sense Susan. Commander don’t leave us in suspense any longer, what’s the pick.”

 

“Yeah, what is it?” A voice called from the back of the mess hall.

 

“C R I C K E T that’s what it says.” He held up the tiny scrap of paper. Fifty pairs of eyes squinted the general direction of his hand.

 

“Jenneeeeeeeeeeee! What did you do? You told me this would work.” Forty-nine pairs of eyes swung back towards the sound of the high-pitched shriek.

 

It really is a good thing that transparent aluminum is virtually shatterproof, the captain  mused, once the ringing in her ears had subsided.  “I take it you were expecting something else, Ensign Delaney?

 

“Er no ma’am, I mean captain. I was just overcome with joy that’s all.” Megan squirmed under the famous glare. The other forty-nine cowered as well.

 

“Since you seem so overcome with emotion over the pick perhaps you could give us a quick synopsis of the game.”

 

‘Umm…I don’t know what he’s talking about.” Megan stuttered.

 

“What was that, Ensign, I don’t think you reached the back of the room, and as you demonstrated so ably earlier, your voice does carry.”

 

“I don’t know what that is.”

 

The captain smirked and with her best ‘gotcha’ look announced. “I thought not, well would the individual who contributed this suggestion please step forward and explain to us exactly what Cricket is?”

 

Tom, who was leaning against the wall, stepped forward. “That would be me, except I have no idea how this game is played either. I just programmed in a bunch of 20th century sports and let the computer take over. I thought it would be fun to learn a new sport.” Of course, what he did not mention that he voted on hundred and fifty times for that.

 

B’Elanna rolled her eyes.

 

The captain sighed.

 

Megan sniffled.

 

Jenny muttered under her breath “ I don’t know how this could have happened it was supposed to be fool proof.”

 

“Suggestions” the captain snapped at her senior staff.

 

“Harry?”

 

“We look in the database and see what this is.”

 

“Tuvok?”

 

“Logically, we should cancel this event.”

 

“Seven?”

 

“The Borg do not engage in frivolous pursuits. I recommended that we return to our duty stations, we have already spent twenty minutes and thirty-three point three-five seconds on a very inefficient activity.” With that she turned on her heel to stride out of the door.

 

The captain held out her hand, “A minute please, we’re not done yet.”

 

“Cha-ko-tay.” she smiled up at the member of the crew, whose fine figure was the cause of the rukus, and that fine figure smiled down at her. They stood there for a long minute until Ayala cleared his throat.

 

“I know how to play this game. On our colony we had a bunch of Indians.”

 

The longing look vanished, replaced by a perfectly puzzled one.

 

Ayala shook his head. “No not your kind; the ones from the land on earth that was at one time known as India. One of them said her great great great great great great grandfather was a cricketing great. But can I just say that Tenders was pretty good herself. She sure knew how to hold the bat and her handling of the ball was just incomparable” His eyes glazed over and he got a faraway look in his eyes.

 

The Captain snorted. “Yes, well, thank you for your reminiscences, Mr Ayala. Anyone else?”

 

“No one knows when or where cricket began but there is a body of evidence, much of it circumstantial, that strongly suggests the game was devised during Saxon or Norman times by children living in the Weald. Adult participation is unknown before the early 17th century. Possibly cricket was derived from bowls, assuming bowls is the older sport, by the intervention of a batsman trying to stop the ball reaching its target by hitting it away. Playing on sheep-grazed land or in clearings, the original implements may have been a matted lump of sheep’s wool as the ball; a stick or a crook or another farm tool as the bat; and a stool or a tree stump or a gate[1]” Vorik contributed.

 

“Ugh what does he do, memorize the database and spout it at us to bore us to death?” Celes whispered to Telfer.

 

“Lump of sheep’s wool? sounds very germy.” Telfer whispered back “But Vorik’s database, has come in handy, remember that time when I thought I had the Rigellian flu, and I didn’t want to deal with the doctor, he was able to catalogue all the symptoms and I realized that it wasn’t it at all.”

 

“Be quiet you two. He has such a dreamy voice.” Susan groused.

 

Celes snorted.

 

“I don’t know how this could have happened it was supposed to be fool proof.”

 

“Oh, would you stop!” Megan was losing patience with her shell-shocked sibling.

 

“That’s decided then; the first annual Voyager cricket match will take place one week from Thursday. If anyone needs lessons lieutenant Ayala has offered.” Chakotay announced. “And if there is nothing else, dismissed.”

 

Megan looked stunned “What, just happened here? Cricket? Someone please tell me that they wore bathing suits for this game, like that other twentieth century one we saw, beach volleyball.”

 

“I don’t know how this could have happened; it was supposed to be fool proof.”

 

“Jenny get a grip.” Megan looked around the messhall as everyone streamed out. She caught Tom’s eye. He winked at her.

 

“Damn, Paris. It was him.” she fumed.

 

“What was?” Susan was still standing by the dejected Jenny.

 

“He must have been awake and heard our plan.”

 

“Megan, what are talking about now?”

 

Megan turned to her “Jenny came up with an idea so I could get a peek at ‘the bod’ without the captain having my head.”

 

Susan grinned “Ahh, that body. Now you’re talking.”

 

“So we pretended to collect suggestions from the crew and then replaced them with one of ours.”

 

“Let me guess, that was strip poker?”

 

“I don’t know how this could have happened; it was supposed to be fool proof.” Jenny mumbled sadly again.

 

“Hey wait a minute, what does the uniform of this game look like?” Megan asked hopefully.

 

“We should go and check the database, and see what we can find.” Susan responded

 

“Are you going to play?”

 

“Not sure, but Ayala is giving lessons.” She wriggled her eyebrows at Megan

 

Giggling they each grabbed one of Jenny’s arms and half dragged and half carried her out of the mess hall.

 

 

                                                            =/=

 

The day of the First Annual Voyager Cricket match (or was that the last) dawned clear and bright. Well, of course it dawned clear and bright, it was cleverly programmed to do so, by Tom Paris.

 

The crew trooped tiredly into the holodeck having been the victims of too much celebrating for the upcoming match.

 

“Ugh, whose bright idea was it to try and break that record?”

 

“I think that was Mike.” Megan moaned

 

“I thought it was supposed to be in game and not in the drinking.” Susan responded looking somewhat green around the gills.

 

“I don’t remember, I forgot what he was talking about after the twentieth beer.” Jenny groaned.

 

Seven, coming up behind them, inserted quite efficiently, “I would calculate that the possibility of getting inebriated on synthehol is .000001%  therefore one would assume that you are participating in some manner of farce.”

 

“It’s obvious that Mike did not share the real stuff with her, I would love to see her efficiency ratio after a few bottles of Chell's best.” Jenny stuck her tongue out at the buxom blonde as she strode past.

 

They entered the holodeck close on Seven’s heels.

 

“Damn, its bright in here,” Jenny groaned grabbing her head

 

“This was your idea so don’t complain.” her twin prodded her in the ribs.

 

“It wasn’t.”

 

“Was too.”

 

“Knock it off you two.” Susan was sick of the sisterly squabbling; being an unfortunate observer of the two over the past few days, ever since the game was announced.

 

“Look here is something to cheer you up.”

 

“What?” They squinted in the general vicinity of Susan’s waving finger.

 

“Not there-there posted on the wall. The teams, you dopes.”

 

The twins looked at the list and grinned. “Now that is a piece of luck, we made the team and we have both Ayala and the Commander, ooh and look we are called the Tachyon Tigers.

 

Susan grimaced, “Looks like I’m on the other team - The Phasered Possums with the Captain, but we do have Tuvok.”

 

“Tuvok? Phasered Possums?!!” Megan and Jenny shrieked with laughter.

 

“Well that Vulcan strength should count for something.”

 

The two sisters looked at each other and went off into peals of laughter. “Tuvok?”

 

“I wonder how the Captain twisted his arm into playing?” Jenny managed to choke out before collapsing on the ground in a fit of giggles.

 

“I wouldn’t be so smug if I were you, look who else you have on your team. Chell, Telfer, Lessing, Harry (the twins rolled their eyes), Torres (they looked smug at this) and Mitchell.

 

“But we do have the Doctor.”

 

“The Doctor! How is that even fair? He could have modified his program to be more like Rhodes and we would be left in the dust. I cry foul.”

 

Jenny smirked “Too bad for you I guess, that just improved our chances considerably. And you have Seven.”

 

“Seven, oh now that will be something to see, her trying to bowl in that suit of hers.” Megan snickered, but her glee vanished in the face of Susan’s comment.

 

“But think of the advantage those Borg enhancements give her.’

 

“Depends which enhancement you are talking about Susan.” Jenny offered, sending the three into peals of laughter.

 

Still laughing the three went and changed into their cricket outfits.

 

“Oh nice, like the Tiger Jenny, but I think that skirt is more for tennis”

 

Jenny swished “It’s the right color, the other stuff doesn’t matter.”

 

Susan shook her head in mock dismay.

 

The game started with a minimum of fuss, mostly on the part of Jenny who was more than slightly miffed to learn that most of the exposed parts of her legs would be covered. Being wicket keeper would have that effect.

 

Seven was first up to bat. Jenny groaned inwardly. She had wriggled out of her silver suit, but had wriggled into an equally skinny white one. From the corner of her eye she could see the doctor watching or was that keeping an eye on his protégée rather than the corner of his field. If she did not know better she would have thought that was a positively lascivious look on his face. *could holograms..? Nah.*

 

Harry was first up to bowl, he ran, swung his arm over his head and let go of the ball but he was no match for Seven. With a slightest flick of the bat, she sent it flying and Chakotay huffing and puffing to catch up with it. She racked up six runs before the red-faced commander was able to send it back to Harry. Unfortunately the next ball had the same affect and the next and the next. Jenny gave up all together and flopped down on the ground dejected.  There really was no point in carrying on.  The Borg machinery was just too efficient.

 

“I’ve never been more humiliated in my life.” She mumbled to no one in particular.

 

Harry, who was close enough to hear her, laughed. “I thought the time when Captain Proton, tried to rescue you and ended up…”

 

The rest of his statement was drowned in loud cheering, Jenny looked up to see what had happened, jumped up and grabbed Harry. “Torres brought her down, she’s out, she’s out.” She couldn’t keep the glee out of her voice.

 

“I don’t think we can ever catch up though, look how many runs she made.” Megan groaned.

 

Jenny looked. “One hundred, one hundred and she was the first one up. Who’s next maybe we can get them out before they have a chance.”

 

They watched as the Captain grabbed a bat and headed out to the field.

 

“How many overs has Torres bowled?”

 

“Two, but I lost track. Hope she manages to get her out before its my turn. I really don’t want to be the one delivering the ball to her that gets her out.” Harry shuddered

 

“There, there. It’ll be fine.” Jenny patted him awkwardly. “Now go away, I need to focus on the wickets.”

 

The Captain turned and fixed her glare on the two of them, they shriveled under her look.

 

The ball came flying in a wicked spin. Janeway swung hard whacking it with the edge of her bat, sending it in the direction of Chakotay who was pulling the petals off a random daisy growing in the field.

 

“What’s he doing?! Get the ball, Commander!! Get the ball!!” Jenny shrieked.

 

The Captain ran.

 

“The ball Chakotay. After it!”  Chell yelled and then took off after the ball himself.

 

Chakotay at last noticing that the ball had rolled past him took off at a run and (as expected in a story of this caliber) crashed into Chell dashing in from the opposite direction. The two fell in a tangled heap on the ground.

 

The Tachyonic Tigers let out a collective moan, all except Ayala, who with a masterful flick of his wrist sent it flying to Jenny who knocked the bales off the wickets. Run out!!

 

The holographic umpire lifted his arm in the air. “And she’s out’ came Tom’s disembodied voice over the comm.

 

“Looks like I am done too.” Kim breathed sigh of relief.

 

“Who’s up next”

 

“The Doc.” Megan nodded in the direction of the stands where a crowd of non-playing crew were seated, watching the game.

 

Kim squinted. “What’s he doing?”

 

The doctor, in his shining white pants was jumping up and down. They could hear him shouting a one and a two, one and two, at the crowd who were enthusiastically following along.

 

“Jumping jacks by the looks of it.”

 

The entire stand shook and wobbled with each jump.

 

“Do you think that pavilion will hold up with all that jumping?”

 

“It doesn’t matter, the safeties are still on.”

 

Jumping jacks done, they were now following him as he stretched and bent.

 

“I wonder what he threatened them with, to get them to do that.” Susan mused.

 

“A fitness test I think. They must have realized that little bit of jumping around is a whole lot better than something Tuvok would devise.”

 

Jenny laughed. “Look at Naomi.”

 

They watched as Naomi snuck behind the doctor and began imitating him, right down to the expressions on his face.

 

Ayala couldn’t stand it any longer and as they looked on, he dragged the posturing doctor to his position.

 

The Doctor tuned out to be a perfect choice for the Tigers, apart from Tuvok, no one else from the possums managed to get in a single run. His bowling was perfect, alternating between spins and fast bowls.

 

“They’re out, they’re out.” Megan danced around in glee.

 

“But we still have to make 108 runs.” Ayala pointed out.

 

Megan’s jubilation subsided.

 

Then it was the Tigers turn to bat.

 

Chell was the opener. Unfortunately for him it was Tuvok bowling.

 

Memories of another encounter came to mind and the blue Bolian looked positively green.

 

“Is his skin supposed to look like that?” Susan who was fielding near where the two women stood, mused aloud.

 

“I don’t think so, but I have to admit that foamy-sea color looks positively calming.” Megan drooled.

 

“Calm! We don’t need calm.” Jenny squeaked, “we need runs, lots and lots of runs.”

 

They watched as Chell swung the bat….and missed.

 

Megan dropped her head in hands. “I wanted strip poker and instead I get this… this utter humiliation.”

 

She turned to her twin and grabbing her by the collar and ground out “If. You. Ever. Get. Me. Into. This. Kind. Of. Situation. Again. I. Will. Dumpyououtthenearestairlock”

 

Jenny had stopped listening “He made a run, look Megan, three runs.”

 

The crowd was transfixed at the sight of the once blue and then green and now blue again, Bolian with cheeks puffed out (like a blowfish) running towards the crease on his way back from his third run.

 

“He made it.” The holodeck exploded with cheers. There was something infinitely satisfying seeing a former Maquis score against his nemesis.

 

The rest of the game progressed as much as usual. With Ayala, and the Doctor scoring almost eighty runs between them.

 

Megan was up next, she took a deep breath and sent up a prayer to every deity, from every corner of the galaxy, archaic and otherwise. As luck would have it the deities decided that she was on her own, the Captain was bowling.

 

Readying her bat she stood firm, despite the narrowing of the Captains gaze, a look which made many an alien run in the other direction, a direction  that Megan too wished to head, but she was well and truly trapped.

 

The ball came, flying at her and in a moment of panic she stepped aside and let it keep going.

 

She could hear Samantha yell from somewhere far off “The idea is to hit the ball, and not run from it.”

 

Taking a deep breath she prepared for the next ball, and this time as it approached the heavens opened up, or was it the holodeck, either ways sheets of water came cascading down.

 

It caught the Captain just as the ball left her fingers. She slipped and went down in puddle of muddy water but the ball carried on its trajectory and Megan swung.

 

The bat connected, and the ball flew further than Megan could have imagined.

 

“Run, you goose. Run!” Jenny bellowed from the sidelines.

 

And Megan, ran, well at least tried to with the field getting more and more waterlogged by the second.

 

She could hear Commander yelling to Tom to turn it off and B’Elanna, equally loudly shouting back that the controls were no longer working and she needed to get an engineering crew on it.

 

After her fifth heart pounding run, it occurred to Megan, that no one was watching or even keeping score, they all seemed to have run off to the clubhouse, to stay dry

 

She stopped, dejected. Her moment of glory and no one was there to witness it.

 

Dragging her bat behind her she headed to the bar. Everyone else seemed to have started partying without her.

 

“You could have at least told me the game was done.” She huffed to her twin.

 

Jenny, completely unrepentant, laughed. “No way, that was the best entertainment of the evening.”

 

Then feeling a tickle of remorse at Megan’s bedraggled appearance said. “You’d better go and change. It looks like you and the Captain got the wettest.”

 

Dropping her voice down to a whisper ‘You should have seen the eyes Chakotay was making at the Captain in that wet muddy suit as well. You almost got the mud wrestling bit Meg, but go quick, Chell is breaking out some more of his finest and you don’t want to miss that.”

 

Megan hurried into the dressing room. Only the Captain was there, drying her hair.

 

“Well done, Megan.”

 

“You too, Captain.”

 

She started to head into the shower and then realized that she’d forgotten the towel. She headed back out to grab one and then she saw IT.

 

Feeling extremely smug, she showered and headed back out. Jenny was sitting with Ayala and Lessing and Susan. Grabbing one of the beers she sat down.

 

Jenny patted her on the back “I’m sorry Megan that things didn’t work as we hoped.”

 

“Didn’t it?” Megan looked like butter wouldn’t melt in her mouth.

 

Susan looked at her “Okay spill, what is it that you are dying to tell us.”

 

“Me, oh nothing much, just that I think this was a complete success and we should do it again.” Megan enjoyed the looks of curiosity on their faces.

 

“Megan come on tell me, your twin, your other half.”

 

“Well, just lets say I spotted the matching tattoo.” She was positively gleeful.

 

Susan and Jenny’s eyes grew wide “Where?”

 

“Don’t tell me you sneaked into the Men’s room.”

 

“Nope.”

 

“Then, where?”

 

She dropped her voice to a whisper “It was on the butt.”

 

“You saw his butt?” Jenny was reverent.

 

“Not on his, on hers. His matching Tattoo is on the Captain’s ass and so yes I would say that this is one game that I definitely won.”

 

 

=/=



[1] Surak says all hail the mighty wikipedia

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